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 thread  Author  Topic: A short story by Aegis  (Read 513 times)
xx A short story by Aegis
« Thread started on: Mar 26th, 2008, 11:03pm »

Here goes, unproofreaded and a rough copy! Tell me what you think!

As Aegis neared the edge of the cliff, his head bombed itself with memories of his past. The battles he had won, the friends he had made, and the people he had saved were all there, clear as day. Moreover, here he thought he lost all of his memories.

The last thing Aegis remembered was traveling with a girl named Mari, a thief at heart, and a bearer of many traits. He remembered well her personality; outgoing, clumsy, and funny. He remembered Scion Inksmith, the famous artist, whose drawings came to life at his own will, fighting alongside him against unknown horrors. He even remembered Fernata Allemande and her endless display of female prowess.

Not all of these things, though, meant much to him; he merely shoved the memories to the back of his head without a second guess. He had to focus on the task before him, and that was defeating the seemingly endless army of creatures that lay before him. He quietly drew his sword from his back, a memento that his father gave him before leaving for the Chaos Army. Aegis remembered that his father had forged that sword from the fires of Mount Argus to prove his rule over Ingharia, a long forgotten and destroyed continent.

Aegis closed his eyes as a few tears streamed their way down his cheeks. All of those things were over now; he had to focus on his life as it was, and alone, dark and grey, fighting for a lost cause that he knew he must try to revive. And that cause was his salvation, for his long deserved rest.

He looked down at the base of the cliff and saw countless black, slithery demons making their way up the face. He grunted a bit and launched himself over the side, sword held ready. As he neared the first few creatures, he sliced quickly at their heads. They fell to the ground below them.

Aegis landed on his feet a few yards away from the Cliffside in the midst of the demon army. The battle began, and he was ready for it; one of them leaped from a distance to attack him, but Aegis just turned to his right and swung his weapon with incredible force into its stomach. It flew back a ways to the edge of the crowd.

Another demon, another…it seemed to never end. Here came another, towards his backside; but again, Aegis was ready, and swiftly jumped into the air, did a backwards somersault and rammed his sword into the demon’s head, another one down for the count.

In addition, the battle was far from over as a large and dark shadow loomed over the crowd and the lone warrior. Every single entity stopped and looked skyward in awe. It was a Grie, a large, plated dragon created by the dark lord of Ingharia. The face of the creature was shaped like a dinosaur’s gaping mouth, and its wings seemed to be made of skin, as you could see veins popping here and there. Moreover, on its back, to top things off, was a long forgotten friend of Aegis’: Vergil.

The half-demon brother of Dante was snickering evilly as he flew on his monstrous mount. At the click of his tongue, the Grie stopped short, and landed, crushing thousands of demons in its area. Vergil leaped off the dragon and stood there, beckoning for Aegis.

The young boy stared a little at his new enemy, but soon realized that Vergil was not here to help him at all. Instead, Aegis began to run towards his enemy, slashing and killing every demon that dared step in his way. Vergil readied himself by drawing his own katana.

Aegis’ head once again filled with the thoughts of his old friends and family. It was almost overwhelming, so intense that the boy almost lost his footing and slipped. But he ran ever faster towards the man he began to very quickly despise, so desperately he wanted to cut him open.

As he neared his target, he felt the urge to stop, and he did so. Calmly, the demons all dispersed and created a large circle area around the two warriors and the Grie. “Young man, you remembered me.” Vergil said in his nasally voice.

Aegis only stared, breathing heavily from his excursion. He was tempted to launch himself at Vergil, slashing wildly with tears in his eyes, asking futile questions as to why Vergil had done what he did. However, Aegis knew it would not work; his warrior’s intuition, serving him well for once, kicked in.

Vergil began to speak once more. “I know you have a
grudge over what happened between Scion and I, and your father as well. But the rest of your family and friends are safe in Temen Ni Gru, chained to a wall where they may never be harmed.”

Images of the dreadful Temen Ni Gru tower washed over Aegis’ eyes; the bloody walls, the countless bodies of long dead soldiers, the demons wandering aimlessly through its halls. It was all too clear that his friends and family were not safe.

“Vergil! Why do you tempt to hurt me so much?” Aegis yelled.

The half-demon laughed. “It should be all too clear, my young friend. Look around you.”

Aegis turned and stared at the demons. Instead of large and slithery beings, all Aegis saw were people, people he knew and loved, all staring at him in a large circle. A tear made its way down Aegis’ cheek as he gazed blatantly into the eyes of his father, his mother, and even his ancestors. Why are they attacking me like this? Aegis thought. What have I done to deserve this?

“Your thoughts are correct, dear Aegis. Your family hates you. They hate you for not saving them when Ingharia fell apart. Your friends despise you because you managed to escape while leaving them behind in a bloody pool of their own families. They all think you’re despicable.” he spat.

Aegis remembered. He remembered the portals opening, his master Ryu dragging the young man behind him through the portals, with Aegis screaming for his friends, who had been left behind to fight the vampires of Ingharia while Ryu saved him, and why Ryu did not help his friends was beyond Aegis. He remembered his family, burning and screaming in pain as the dark lord of Ingharia burned his village. He also remembered Vergil possessing his father, with Aegis forced to kill him in order to save his home world.

All of these things built up inside Aegis’ head. He dropped his weapon and grabbed his head, yelling for it to stop. Vergil just smiled and stood there, his katana drawn, with the thought that Aegis was finally finished. “You’re not going to be able to handle it, dear boy. Just surrender to my will and you’ll be able to join your little family for the rest of your bloodless days.” Vergil shouted.

Aegis just stared blankly at the ground, his mind a clean slate. He did not know why or how it all happened, but he had one thought on his mind: revenge. Reaching down with lighting quickness, he seized his blade and sprinted at Vergil. The half-demon sidestepped at the last second and shoved Aegis to the dirt. But the boy was quicker, and swiftly used his hand as a pivot point and turned himself around. He launched himself at the man with his blade raised, and as he neared him, brought it down on top of his head. The demon once again sidestepped and shoved Aegis to the ground. “You refuse to surrender. That was always your nature, Aegis. Fight and do not consider everyone else’s feelings, you pathetic human.”

Aegis brought his legs up and forced them upwards, spinning them to the right. In a moment, he was on his feet. “You’re the pathetic one, prick! You are the one who told Ryu to hold on to me, and you are the one who possessed my father! You need to surrender!”

He made one final attack on the half-demon, and this time he struck home; his blade appeared with a flash of white in Vergil’s chest, through his heart. Blood covered his blade as it sliced through the half-demon’s cloak, whipping in the desolate wind. Aegis placed his mouth near Vergil’s ear on his right shoulder, and whispered, “How does it feel to be in pain, demon? How’s it feel?!”

He twisted the blade inside Vergil’s chest a little, and the man screamed in pain. Aegis once again placed his head on Vergil’s shoulder. “I know it was you all along, you bastard. You killed my mother and my brother. It was all you when Scion and Mari were lost in Ingharia. And for that…no, for them, I will destroy you.”

With one final burst of strength, Aegis pulled the blade from Vergil. He grabbed the man by his hair and brought him to his knees. He raised his sword high above his head as rain began to fall endlessly around them. The crowd seemed to lean in closer to watch the scene.

Aegis looked to Vergil’s angry eyes and said one final statement: “I know why you did it, too. It’s hard to please a master, isn’t it, Vergil?”

With a grunt, the young man slashed the half-demon’s head clear off. It rolled in the dirt towards Aegis. He dropped his sword once again and stared at the crowd around him. He smiled a little as his father stepped forward from it, and placed his strong arm around his son’s shoulders.

The rest of his family and friends began to come forth, and Aegis began to shed more tears. His father looked to Aegis and nodded. The boy knew what that meant.

Aegis was finally able to shed his long restrained tears.

« Last Edit: Mar 26th, 2008, 11:05pm by Linato » User IP Logged

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xx Re: A short story by Aegis
« Reply #1 on: Mar 27th, 2008, 8:40pm »

It was a bit over the PG limit, but I really liked it!
((especially th part about me. XD))
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xx Re: A short story by Muffy
« Reply #2 on: Apr 1st, 2008, 06:00am »

Yesh, yesh...cheesy
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xx Re: A short story by Aegis
« Reply #3 on: Apr 12th, 2008, 02:29am »

Aegis, this is my honest opinion.

This sketch isn't bad at all. I would say you definitely have a lot of raw skill for writing. If you keep writing an refining your craft you can be as good as you want to be.

I would say this piece hasn't quite the foundation yet to be considered a short story. I myself consider it a "sketch," of which something could be further developed.

You have a line ( Actually a paragraph) in the story that begins with, "In addition." This needs to be removed. Maybe try a different opener. It doesn't work in that paragraph.

"In addition," or phrasing of this nature should probably be reserved for academia. Things like essays, statement/position papers, or journalistic articles.

Anyway, keep up the good work. Maybe you will be a fantasy genre writer someday.
« Last Edit: Apr 12th, 2008, 02:29am by Clay Hallow » User IP Logged

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xx Re: A short story by Aegis
« Reply #4 on: May 27th, 2008, 11:19am »

Okay, I'll proofread it a little more, thanks.

And thanks for your comment! I really look forward to actually making it, though I need some work. And you're right; it's just a sketch, I just couldn't find the word for it at the time (Brainblock!)

I'll repost it ASAP so yalls can view the final result.
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