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Wade
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xx Drunken Kevin
« Thread started on: Apr 19th, 2008, 3:21pm »

I tell you, drunken kevin rocks. He beats the hell out of regular kevin anyday of the week. or month. or Febtober, or whatever damn period of time you want to make up. The reason drunken kevin is the best, is because he's already made up whichever time period that you're about to make up: Octember, Aply, Leaptober, Novuary, Dececond, and all sorts of other ones I couldn't be bothered typing. You know why? Because drunken kevin doesn't care for typing excrement. I guarentee you, anything you think of, or pretend to think of, or even make eye contact with...Drunken kevin has already thought of it and sold it to Russia/Nigeria/Albequerkie/Othermisspeltplaces. Even if you're thinking of misspelling excrement or using wrongestest grammar... You're too late.

Drunken kevin gets about ten times the amount of women that regular kevin does, and he is better at EVERYTHING else (according to his stories) than sober/regular kevin. Drunken kevin even got pulled over by the cops the other day and he said, "wash up, oshiffer?! you gotsh shome farken kickarsh boobies", and the cop, (who was a chick, obviously) ripped her clothes off and gave him a lapdance.*true story* On the way home, some random loser looked at drunken kevin funny, and all he had to do was wink at the cop chick, and she had him arrested and had his legs cut off. uhhh, the other dudes legs that is. not drunken kevin's. Drunken kevin already has his legs cut off one night, but he's so cool, that he grew a new pair. They shoot laser beams and everything. It kicks ass.

So basically, regular kevin is so boring, that even nuns fall asleep when he's talking. Not regular nuns. I'm talking about nuns on speed. These nuns say about 47 Hail Mary's every minute, and they still fall asleep when he opens his big gob. Regular kevin is so boring that highly paid models find him interesting and consider him an equal. Drunken kevin, meanwhile, has all these ladies just staring blankly at easch other, wondering what the hell just happened. Usually, it's because he just got naked and painted, "I are teh kiXarse muth@fuX0r," on the wall, using his pocket rocket as a paintbrush. Ohhh drunken kevin... Will you ever quit?

Whatever. So here are some things that drunken kevin has achieved in his lifetime for your amusement...

I can't remember anything.

Maybe sober kevin can help you out. Maybe he'll be back tomorrow sometime. I doubt it though. Tomorrow, you will probably just encountered Hungover and Feelingosrryforhimself kevin. Trust me, that guy sucks. You don't want to have to put up with that loser. It's kind of a shame that drunken kevin and sober kevin will never meet though. I think the two of them would get on kinda well. Drunken kevin just does all the cool excrement that regular kevin finds amusing, but would never have the guts to do himself...

But the thing is, drunken kevin has asecret identity: Passed out kevin. Instead of fighting crime and evil, passed out kevin fights coherance and conciousness...He rules.
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xx Re: Drunken Kevin
« Reply #1 on: Apr 19th, 2008, 3:32pm »

but how does this make you feel?
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xx Re: Drunken Kevin
« Reply #2 on: May 21st, 2008, 03:17am »

I've always had a soft spot for Stories that appear incoherent and nonsensical, and pehaps are.

I remember once we, or perhaps just you, spoke of these scenes before.

The amputation and the legs of laser capabilites.
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